Daydreaming...

Our Marcus is often in his own little world. When we are driving, walking, at the table, snuggling or otherwise he is usually muttering to himself; lost in far off battles, science experiments, or the future. Sometimes I have to get right in his face to bring him back to me and have him pay attention to something I am saying. He likes to day dream and I love that about him. I love that no matter where we are he can be miles or centuries away perfectly content.

A perfect example of his absent mindedness (while he is daydreaming) is this: We went out for supper the other night. Just Me and the boys as Paul was at a Heavy Events. We were having a perfectly enjoyable dinner although Marcus was obsessed, reading the Chinese Calendar place mat that was in front of him. He was (as he told me after) dreaming about being a Chinese Emperor. I was stuck in the corner of the table, unable to get out without disturbing the table behind us. I asked Marcus to "please get me a bowl of rice". He sat there for a minute or two obviously not having heared me when I asked him again. He apologised and left the table to get what I asked. A minute later he came back to the table with a cup of ice. I looked at him and shook my head, when he asked what was wrong I said, "I asked you for a bowl of rice, not a cup of ice!" Well we all had quite the giggle and Marcus apologised for his blunder, telling me that he was in his own little world, as if I couldn't tell...

We went to see Born To Be Wild at the IMAX yesterday. I have a huge amount of respect for the two beautiful women of the story that have spent their lives rescuing and protecting wildlife of the world, and a huge amount of jealousy! They spend their days loving these animals and changing the world. Their lives are so extraordinary (and this is not to say that I don’t love the life that I have but) my life seems so ordinary in comparison. I would like to be able to say at the end of my days that I did mostly everything that I wanted to do with my life.

There is that saying, "be the change that you want to see in the world", so I ask this...where do I start? Is it responsible of me to pack my children up and take them to a struggling country? Is it okay for me to want that? Both of the women in this story have had children and have raised them successfully in those situations.  And an even better question is do I want to change the whole world or just mine? Paul and I talk often about moving, I cannot stand the thought that I may die being born and raised and lived in only one place in this HUGE world. If I want to live other places it is my responsibility to move on, it is not as if a twister is going to come and transplant me there.

And where does our adoption fit in? Well, we certainly are not going anywhere any time soon. There is just so much that I want for my life, for my boys lives and there doesnt seem to be a way to get it all done...for now...

Today is the 23rd of August. Soon the boys will be back at school, the leaves will start to turn and the air will get crisp and cool. I was hoping that we would have a new child by now, obviously I was wishing that we would have had a child a long time ago (perhaps February like we were told). I was hoping that we would have had the summer together to bond and get to know each other. I was hoping for a lot.

I have been trying to keep it together, trying to just move on and keep busy; and in the spirit of staying positive I have picked up a new hobby..I have started quilting! First it began with a quilt kit from WalMart and I quickly realised that I was in no way knowledgeable enough to get it done. Since then I have taken a couple of classes at a local store and am loving it! My first quilt is called a sampler and are the colors of our bedroom. I am now on to my second class and by the end of the third class I will be done the quilt completely. Truthfully, I am proud of myself. Quilting is something that I have always wanted to do and I finally just made the decision to do it! I have learned a new skill and it makes me happy.

It is hard to realise that even though we are waiting for such a major change to come to our life that our life as we know it still needs to keep going. And not just moving through the motions but actually living. We have had a good summer, enjoying it to the fullest and I owe that to the children I have. I am not saying that I am not frustrated, disappointed and sad that the adoption is taking so long but rather that I have to just keep waiting as patiently as possible. And maybe for a while this will be more of a quilting blog than an adoption blog...