Then and Now

Our dear Brandy has peed on the potty before her bath two nights in a row!

I know that this is dorky and I never wanted to be that kind of mom that made the whole world aware of my child's bathroom habits but oh well! We are thrilled!

Going through this toddler stuff for the third time is so much fun. I know that I am in a different place at a different time of my life but I don't remember enjoying it so much with the boys...perhaps it is because it was something that I took for granted with them and then was not able to have again until now. Perhaps it was also that I was tired and depressed.

I remember telling Paul that he had to eat supper beside the boys, had to bath them nightly and put them to bed. OH THE GUILT! If I could do it over I would, I would love every second and not let it feel like a chore. (In my head right now I can hear my best friend telling me to shut-up, give myself a break and remember that I am only human). Don't get me wrong, I did bath the boys, eat with them, read to them and tuck them into bed, but if given the chance I would avoid having to. I was totally hands-on, until Paul came home from work.

When the boys were little, there were two of them. I was lost, not sure what my life meant and if being a stay-at-home mom was enough. When the boys were young I was depressed, still battling post-partum from Noah's birth. There is nothing that I can do to change the past and letting myself enjoy Brandy being a toddler isn't wrong, it doesn't make the past any worse. I need to let myself enjoy this time and not let the guilt of the past cloud the present. 

I know that I have always been a loving and caring mom but these past few years I really feel like I am truly a very good mom. I am good at what I do, just like an electrician, lawyer or doctor. I feel as though I have come into my own, grown up and not just accepted but enjoy the decisions that I have made. Which is another reason why I was so ready to adopt, because I know that not only can I handle it but that I want it.

I love bathing Brandy, she totally cracks me up! I love the smell of the soap and washing her hair. I love rubbing her with lotion and helping her brush her teeth. As for eating with her, Paul eats dinner beside her because I usually eat breakfast and lunch with her. I love to snuggle with her before bed, Paul and I almost fight over it!
So, this time around... I will delight in the trips to the potty. I will savour the bath times and her snuggles afterwards when she is shivering cold. I will laugh inwardly at the temper tantrums. I will enjoy reading the same book over and over (if it means that I get to be with her). During diaper changes I will take the opportunity to talk to her and teach her things. And for my boys? I will remind them everyday that I love them. I will take them to football, fencing, horseback, lacrosse and birthday parties. I will enjoy the after school homework sessions and be grateful that I get to be with them. I will gladly take them to movies that I have no desire to see, just so that they will hold my hand in the dark. I will play board games and read books to them. I will continue to be the mom that I have become and I will forgive myself for being the mom that I was.