Just a thought...

I know that I wasn't going to think about adoption anymore but considering that is what this blog is about...

I was reading a blog about adoption that I follow (www.stellarparenting.blogspot.com ) and the author had a great point. She was talking about Mother's Day and how it is different once you have adopted kids when they were anything but an infant. What she said is, "In our family we have our own sets of challenges today because my kids are adopted from foster care and I am their 5th mother". Good Point. As a mom you would have to be sensitive to the feelings, thoughts and memories that your adoptive children have of past mothers and parents in general. If you adopt a child that has a hard time attaching, why would they want to celebrate mother's day? It is probably not that they want to be insensitive or hurtful but rather are not sure who for sure is their mother. Is it the woman who birthed them and subsequently lost them? Is it the foster mom who cared for them in crisis? or is it the adoptive mom? And they might even be wondering if it is okay to love all three at the same time.

Here is something else she said..."They make me cards and we celebrate my role in their lives but it's a fine balance between celebrating me and acknowledging that there were others before me and that they mourn the loss of those mothers too. "

I never really thought of this situation. But now I certainly understand that as a family we will have to try our hardest to be sensitive to Mother's Day and Father's Day. Sure we will want our new children to think of us and therefore celebrate us as their mom and dad but only time will tell as to what that means. Also, we will have to try to find the balance between our boys need to celebrate us and yet including (and especially not ostracizing) our new children.

It's funny just how much will be different...that is when it actually happens.